Honestly, I’m not fully sure how to express my thoughts and words completely about how I’ve been feeling while on the World Race. Though I think the title of this blog speaks for itself. I’ve been worried and scared in the sense of what if I don’t become fully funded, am I gonna have to leave the field. What if I stay on the field after the final deadline but don’t get fully funded? How will I pay for such a large amount (from my perspective) when I don’t have much in my account. How will I on top of that pay off the rest of my student loans while I may have to pay the rest of the trip out of pocket or leave the mission field of which if I did leave chances are that’s all out of pocket in which case I’d be flat broke to the point I’d be coming back homeless to the states. I’ve been worried about where am I going to go when I get back to the states whether earlier or after the completion of the 11 months. These are just some of the thoughts that have been going through my mind lately.
I deeply desire and want to stay out on the mission field because I’m following what the Lord has called me into, yet I feel as if many who I thought were in my circle don’t want to see me pursue that. I’ve been blocked, unfriended and unfollowed and left on “read” for reaching out regarding the mission trip. Not only do I reach out about the mission trip but I’ve genuinely have reached out about wanting to reconnect with people I’ve met in my life. So much so I have had to mention that I’m not reaching out about a possible donation that I’m asking for prayer or genuinely tryin to catch up before I get a response from someone. Even after I ask them genuinely how they have been doing with the typical “hey, how have you been?” and nothing else. So I’ve been wrestling a lot with that lately. Because of my human nature, many questions have arose like, “why if we both believe in the same God would they not want to see the Kingdom of God advanced?”. Or things like “why did someone I meet only once donate anything while people I’ve met and known for awhile haven’t even donated?”. To me it’s all just confusing and mind boggling.
Yet, despite these noises, these questions, and these voices I have been remaining optimistic and joyful the best I can. I have witnessed so many beautiful moments on the field, I’ve witnessed so many incredible friendships blossom and be made. I’ve witnessed miracles happen and have faced some challenges. I’ve witnessed both the broken and the beauty. I’ve witnessed people from different backgrounds and faiths instantly become best friends, so much so that they are instantly invited to this person’s or that person’s wedding if they get married. So I remain joyful and optimistic on the field about the future and because I know what I am doing while out on the field will not go in vain. I know my purpose and the calling on my life and I know that God will provide despite my flesh telling me that the funds won’t come through.
Hi nephew!
Normal feelings to feel. It’s okay. God is going to do some exceedingly awesome things in and through you! Hold the faith!
Don’t worry about the details or the funds. They will come! God’s got you. He loves you beyond words and will take care of you.
As for friendships, they ebb and flow. Keep reaching out. Sometimes people can be overwhelmed personally and feel bad they can’t help, so try to distance themselves from that feeling. It’s not always you. Or it’s other personal things going on that they don’t want to talk about, whether good or bad. Some might feel shame for the ways they are living to when they see your writings and posts, so try to stay away from that as well. It’s okay.
Love you nephew!!
AJ
That’s a lot of worries. Glad you are joyful.
Raising support is a hard journey.
Ask God if you need to re-release control, concern, and care of your finances back to Him. He truly has them. He knows what needs to be done. He is your provider and knows how to get you where you need to be.
So good you are honest about the hard work of fundraising. It gets tough and few people enjoy asking for money. Chris and I keep praying you will see real breakthrough in your fundraising and your faith will be increased as a result (as will ours).