Just think, last year I still had bad mental and emotional thoughts clouding my mind. I didn't know how to cope with my thoughts and feelings. I struggled so much that I would wound up being in a state of depression. Today on 4/8/22 as I type this before posting it I have acknowledged the work the Lord has done within me mentally and emotionally. Of course there's still more growth to be done. I am in a much better state mentally and emotionally.

I went from holding in all of my thoughts and feelings, letting them damage me internally to letting it out and processing things with people or on the notes app on my phone before I go to someone else. I've been taking everything to the Lord more and when I need help I'm allowing people that I trust to jump in my boat alongside me and be there praying for me. In the past whenever I told someone that I was interested in them and how I felt about them, and when the outcome wasn't what I wanted to hear I went and sulked becoming depressed listening to sad country songs or listening to love country songs pondering on the what if. I also didn't take it to the Lord or bring others in my bubble.

Now, no matter what the outcome is I'm okay with it. I only know this because I stepped out in boldness telling someone that I was interested in them and that I had feelings for them. Prior to me telling them how I felt I also brought it to the Lord for 3.5 months along with bringing a few people in this along the way to pray for me and told one person on leadership who it was that I liked before telling the person how I felt. Everything was good, from the outcome to the response I gave after receiving their response. They were honored but the feelings were not mutual. When the words were spoken to me I felt peace about all that was said. Instead of feeling hurt or feeling depressed I felt joy from it and I didn't go into my usual ways of depression and feeling sorry for myself. Nor have I isolated from myself from this person.

To sum up, God has worked in my life drastically, changing my mindset overall and has healed a huge major side of my mental and emotional health. In the past I would go from crushing on one lady to the next if I knew for a fact they weren't obviously married or in a relationship. That's what I did, cause my flesh did that and I was growing. Since telling this one individual how I felt (as it was consistent feelings before I told them) I actually don't have feelings for anyone at all now. I made sure of this before posting this blog as well. It was quite an amount of time of processing these things before I posted. Of course things could change (regarding me liking someone, whether the same person who I told or someone else).